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queen's ears

The last few months...

Posted on Sep 15, 2014 at 6:37 pm
Location: work
Mood: 3
Listening to: Dani'el - Algabal
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Yah, I have not been posting much. But then I post novels on fb, so maybe I should get back to the online journaling :) Some friends are questing to make Dreamwidth more hopping, so here's my contribution.

Lemme see... February... yes, that continued to suck. I was sick for most of it, and couldn't take time off b/c we were understaffed. We would not be up to fully staffed until August, just in time for me to have two or three sinus infections from late July through last week. *headdesk* So that's still a thing. I think I'm just allergic to summer.

In March, however, my social life took a tiny step forward. I tried out the latest incarnation of NYC's Camarilla Club, now called Minds Eye Society, and had a good time. Friends from other nerd-groups had joined in the years I'd been away, so it was an interesting mix of new, old, and ancient faces from my various lives.

Just NPC'd to try it out, but once I saw how fun it was, decided to re-build my character from the last chronicle. When I first built her in 2005, White Wolf was forcing us to start larps of its NWoD system without having most/any of the larp books, and the frustration that followed was part of why I eventually quit. Getting to build "Marguerite" properly with all available resources was really fun. And its a nice group of people playing now, albeit a smaller group than what we had before. I'm trying to attract the geekier friends from the improv scene to try it out, although they tend to be very busy on weekends.

Over the following months, I resurrected a werewolf concept I'd tried to play several times in the past (games kept folding) for their cross-venue game, and at NERE in late May I took an old Knigits NPC and turned her into something ... mostly playable. Possibly too high energy for me, but we'll see how it goes. The gothy little wolfie is OK to play low or high energy. And three venues for me is quite enough, possibly too much, whups.

Also, the last time I was in Cam/MES there was a vibrant non-Cam larp community in NYC, so I rarely traveled to other Domains or cons for game. Nowadays, the troupe larp scene is kaput, so I've started going up to Boston for their games on the fourth weekend of the month. Just once so far, late July, but going again at the end of September.

I also went to NERE in late May b/c there was just enough in my "Other Cons" savings account, and a friend who is also anti wheat/dairy needed a roommate. And there was a hippie dippie grocery store a block away from the hotel with things we could both eat. Yaaaay! I went in part for the games of course, but also just to meet more other players for travel-visits and email based RP. It all worked out pretty well, except my sleep disorders smacked me the first night, so I was a bit groggy for the rest of con. But I gamed and made new friends, so overall a success :-) SERE is in Atlanta in April (?), but not at my familiar DCon hotels so I don't know how food would go. Still considering it tho.

So I'm larping again, and its given me the jump start I needed to get more active in my own life, but now its time to make larp not the only thing I do. There are options, but I'm having some trouble shifting gears.

Jewelry biz is still on hiatus. Tho I made some jewelry for larp costumes earlier this summer, which was a huge deal for me. But I'm still trying to figure out brain problems on that. Have not yet given up.

Sewing keeps on keeping on, but its not as creative for me as jewelry (tho lots of other ppl are super creative sewcialists, certainly). I keep binge-shopping for fabric, tho, and then put a moratorium on it for months at a time, which leads to more binging. Still trying to figure that out too. Making more effort to sew thru my stash rather than buying more stuff for a few months. Between things I want for fall/winter, Halloween, and Arisia, I have plenty of stuff lined up. Started taking 'sewing selfies' for all the linen skirts and knit hoodies I made this summer (and some nice larp costumes, of course), so I might start posting more of that here.

Podcast writing is also still at a standstill. My creative process is kindof broken, still want to get that together tho.

This summer I also had some major, sudden anxiety flare ups. Some of the worst I've had in months, but somewhat unfounded and unexpected (not that anxiety is supposed to be logical). They got me motivated to start seeing a psychiatrist again aside from my talking therapy, and I finally get to see him on Wednesday (well recommended by therapist, but crazy long wait list for new patients).

I wasn't sure how much I'd get into medication therapy, as anxiety isn't an everyday problem for me. But thinking in those terms helped me realize I do have an everyday problem that could use some extra help, but hasn't been examined before. Two other members of my family have ADHD, and I noticed my attention span stopped working once the fatigue started, but I was thinking about it backwards. At first I thought the fatigue broke my attention span. But what if this is a problem I've had since childhood (and tiny Chrys did fit the profile), and just got the 'f'ing deal with it' message instead of actual help? So, I dealt with it at the time, and eventually figured out how to keep up with school and the world outside my bedroom. When the fatigue started, I no longer had the spoons to keep 'dealing with it' in the same way.

When I have a night off, I actually forget that I can work on creative projects, call people to see if they want to hang out or do things, or go see any of the wealth of culture NYC has to offer by myself. I forget that reading books is a thing I can do, despite my to-read shelf being completely overfilled, or having a stack of short story collections at my desk at work. Its not anxiety or depression based avoidance, I just forget and go space out on youtube instead. Or get hyperfocused on winging over what fabric to order for X project.

Many questions for the psychiatrist then, to see if this is the problem and if it can be fixed. It would explain a lot. Friends with ADHD have told me they also get the draining spells of hyperfocus followed by long periods of "wait, what was I going to do?" And forgetting when bedtime is each night is not good for my sleep disorders, which makes attention more difficult.

Speaking of hyperfocus, I spent the last weekend entirely in the festival of Discardia. And now that there's a clothing donation bin in the basement of my building, discarding stuff goes much faster. No more basket of unwanted laundry waiting weeks until my parents can stop by with their helpful minivan. There was an overstuffed shopping cart of garbage, another of laundry, and another of general junk and unnecessary stuff. You can just leave unwanted stuff in the basement, and other residents will take what they want. Most of it was already gone by the next evening, lol.

Sadly I didn't get to much of the actual cleaning I wanted to do, but I shuffled unwanted stuff out of the dark storage corners of my chantry, and refilled them with wanted stuff that no longer litters the floors and couch. But I must clean, as I may have some friends visiting via MES to attend the NYC games and NYCC. And it makes my brain feel better to clear the clutter. There are a few baskets left of "does anyone want this" but I'm not letting them stay in my living room past Friday night, and mailings go out Saturday morning.

I didn't realize quite how much housework I did until last night, when all the muscles from my middle back to my knees started to owch whenever I moved. But its discouraging that I have this much ouch, but still this many baskets of stuff laying around the livingroom. For whatever brain-reasons, I have a hard time immediately remembering/accepting and feeling satisfied that I purged three giant shopping carts of stuff now that it's gone. Oh, brain.

Was going to reward myself with bits for larp costumes for completing the Discardia weekend, but a) its not really finished yet, and b) after going to the mall to fill out some gaps in my housewares (including replacement air filters) my budget is a bit maxed. Its a bad idea to reward myself with things I can't actually afford to buy this month. That's not what an emergency fund is for, and that also needs refilling b/c of all of the summer's extra medical expenses. Could borrow from next month's budget, but that's not a good habit to get into.

Jewelry supplies are now more focused geographically, same with fabric supplies plus they're more accessible, so I can do more of the one and buy less for the other hobby. Assuming I remember I have hobbies :-P But maybe with the right treatment I can get back to being creative. And I tried to condense extra linens + larp costume bits into one place, since those might go together next month. And I can take sewing-selfies in the hallway mirror without capturing Costco sized bags of tp in frame, yay?

Upcoming plans include going to NYCC with my Steampunk Babylon 5 cosplay group, going to Arisia this January, and maybe more trips to Boston for MES larps. I have a few cosplay projects I'll be working on for the next few months, maybe? On top of normal clothes I want to sew. SERE is in April but I'm still mulling it over. And there's one larp costume I'm still adding to. Well, one and a half.

Once the constant summer illnesses subside I'd like to start going back to goth clubs, maybe DoV, and would like to try Court of Lazarus again. Still need to try Wits End and Secret Speakeasy. I've become aDC Socials for the local MES group, so I'll be dragging myself and others to more (cheap/free) things, hopefully. KGB readings are kindof awkward for me b/c of the dinner afterwards, but I'd like to go back to NYRSF more regularly. And I'm trying to keep up with IAF meetups, tho the summer illnesses made that tough. And I'd like to see more improv shows, tho I'm not rejoining as a player, it just wasn't a good fit.

Not sure about DragonCon next year, though I do already have a ticket and a room reservation. This year kinda sucked, but all the preplanning in the world can't prevent a sinus infection before/during con :-P But I have plenty of time to think it over. It would be nice to get my creative projects relaunched so I have something to hawk while I'm there. Or get over my dislike of NYCC so I can just have that be my big con of the year. Its just not the same tho.

If there's anything I learned from the (failed) healing hermit quest I attempted in the Spring of 2013, its that I was secretly an extrovert the whole time. I actually need to be around people, and the free association of new ideas and wandering conversations, to get energized and inspired. Whups. That would explain why its easier to keep up with rpg stuff than my own business, there are other ppl already involved. Tho I space out on answering my gamer emails just as much as all the other kinds :-/

<3 Chrysilla

Crossposted from Dreamwidth, http://chrysilla.dreamwidth.org/

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